AFTER 40 YEARS â—½ MARRIAGE
Collections
by Marcy Lytle
He likes to collect two things. I like to collect clothes and bags, and shoes, and home décor…and so much more! And when we travel, we spend a good bit of time looking for these things we both collect. We are both so different and yet the same. I’d never want to collect what he does, and he could care less about the things I love to buy.
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My husband loves coffee mugs, and I used to just groan when he bought yet another one. He has bins of them in the garage, and a whole stash in the kitchen cabinet, which he changes out to enjoy throughout the year. But why did I have to groan? It’s a collection he enjoys building, and I’ve now started helping him find these cute mugs on our trips. This last trip he bought two new mugs, each unique in its own right, and I’ve actually grown to love these mugs as well. I like seeing him enjoy them. That’s the first thing he collects…
My husband loves tools, but they have to be either repurposed or handmade. We enter antique shops while we travel and we look for bins of old tools. If they’re just old, but not repurposed or handmade, then we don’t come home with them. One year I had a sign made for him called Jon’s Tool Trove and hung it above the big peg board where he has his tools displayed. He enjoys the hunt and the find of tools others have made their own. That’s the second thing he collects…
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I, on the other hand, adore clothes and bags and shoes, and he tags along while we search for those, too. He will point out something and I’ll most always say no way, that’s ugly. It’s because his taste is not my taste (thank goodness) and my taste is not his taste! But he says he enjoys shopping with me, and he’s found a way to observe the stores, the walls, and to be content while I look. Thankfully, I’m a quick shopper and am in and out in a flash.
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My brother in law collected albums, Disney movies, emergency preparedness items…and he shared those with us. I thought it was cool all the things he collected. He even started collections for his grandkids, buying the granddaughters teacups and saucers, and charms for their bracelets.
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Collections can be a cause for arguments among couples. I know I sighed a few times (well maybe more than a few) when Jon brought home another cup. I’ve asked him to get rid of some. But now, I realize that’s a source of joy and why not let him enjoy them… apart from my disdain..
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I think we collect things because it’s fun, and life’s too hard to squelch the fun someone else is having while they hunt and find that next thing they love. Yes, when we’re gone our kids might toss out the collections, they might want to keep a few things, or they might shake their heads at the “stuff.” But while we’re alive and well and loving and growing together, we’ll keep collecting.
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Pure pleasure in a marriage, whether it’s collecting mugs or another pair of shoes, it just that – pleasure. And it makes for and emotional connection like no other…if we let them be as they browse and buy.