I DON'T DO TEENAGERS â—½ HOME
We have two littles in our family that are now in middle school. That change from elementary to middle school is huge, isn’t it? They’re little kids, and then all of a sudden they’re walking down halls with some kids that look grown, while others still look so innocent and small. The transition then to high school is even bigger…with so many temptations to follow the crowd. Also, kids that are homeschooled have ideas and feelings and are going through changes as they too transition into pre adulthood.
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August is a good time to talk about following the crowd, and why it’s so tempting to do so. Often, it’s rooted in poor self-esteem. Our kids don’t think they’re pretty, or are afraid of being made fun of, or worried they won’t make friends or fit in.
So that makes them prone to do whatever it takes to run with the crowd. We, as parents, should know all about this, as I’m sure we all did and felt the same!
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As school begins, here are some ways to boost your teens’ self-esteem in who they are, so that they proudly stand up against temptation to be what others think they should be.
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Social media is a big influence on self-esteem with our teens. So, if your teens have phones, talk with them about what they see and how it makes them feel when they see that girl or that guy looking cool or making it “big.” What feelings stir up, or thoughts? Talking about these things helps so much. So do it! And have times where all phones are put away, in favor of family time.
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Affirmation is key. Perhaps, you can have one night a month set aside for affirming each other in the family. This will require each person to start looking for the good in each other. And don’t let it be all surface things. Sure, you might tell your daughter she looks so pretty…but also comment on her character and her actions.
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Talk about comparison. Read the verse in the bible about how it’s not wise to compare ourselves among ourselves. We will always come up short. Instead, show your teens the verses about how they are loved by God, just as they are, and how He made them and formed them and has a good purpose for their lives. All they have to do is love Him back.
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Who is their support? Do your teens talk openly to you? To a youth leader? Where do they run when they’re feeling bad about themselves or anxious among their friends, or worried and dismayed because of their friends? Make sure your teens have a support net, and encourage them to use it.
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Explain the feelings. Teens are growing, hormones are changing, and bodies are changing as well. And our teens are going to feel different from day to day, about what they like, who they like, how they fit in, etc. Knowing this helps them recognize their feelings and deal with them, instead of being surprised and taken over by them.
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Model confidence. If our teens see us floundering in our self-identity, trying to be like what we too see on social media, or talking negatively about our bodies or our lack of success, all the talking we’ve done with them will be of no use. So if we are struggling with the same things as our teens, we can get help, and learn to model a confident spirit. One that knows who we are, who we belong to, and that our future is secure.
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Transition into the hallways of crowded teens dressed in the latest, flirting with the opposite sex, talking all sorts of language, and treating others with disdain is like sending our kids into a big cesspool, isn’t it? But that’s what it’s like even living in this world, where it’s an even bigger pool of people with dirty minds and spirits. Prayer is always the best way to clean up an atmosphere, asking God to shine his love through us, and change the darkness into light.