I DON'T DO TEENAGERS â—½ HOME
No, this article isn’t about teens dressing up in costumes and going trick or treating down the street. That can be fun for the kids, or not…that’s up to each family. However, there’s another kind of “trick or treat” that teens participate in, and that’s lying. If they try to trick us as parents, it’s not so fun when we realize we’ve been had.
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I remember hearing all sorts of warnings about the teen years and how they were hard, how teens are for sure going to try us and wander off into dangerous territory, and yes…even lie and do all sorts of things that hurt us and worry us. And I remember just being crushed when I heard one of my kids tell their friends on their phone that they were going to do this (something we wanted them to do) and then that (what the friend wanted) and it was all just to deceive us…
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So, as parents of teens, how do we tell when our teens are tricking us through lies and deceit, or treating us to being obedient and trustworthy? It’s hard, but I found that more and more as they grew to be adults, my Father was trustworthy to reveal to us things we needed to know regarding our kids.
I suppose we all have to first look at ourselves and see if there are places in our lives that our kids observe us cheating or lying or tricking. Like in our driving (our kids called us out on everything we were teaching them while getting their licenses!), how we obey traffic laws or pay our bills, how we talk to our friends on the phone and if we too deceive others. If they see us do it, then they will follow suit.
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I suppose every parent has different “leashes” they offer their teens. But one rule that’s good to follow is to only let out the leash (permission to go here and there) as much as your teens are trustworthy. Give them a little responsibility or let them go out an hour later, etc. and if they call and do what you ask, then great. If not, reign them back in. Kids need boundaries, as long as they live under our roofs!
I suppose we get to know our kids’ body language and tone of voice. If there’s nervousness we’ve not seen before, or eyes not looking directly at us when we’re talking to them, there might be something going on behind our backs. It’s good to talk about things with our kids and if they lie, or disobey, and thus “trick” us, it’s good to find out the why and how they were feeling about themselves and the rules and their friends.
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I suppose we’ve all watched crime thrillers and listened to the news of teens doing the most outlandish things and when the parents are quizzed they say, “We had no idea our kids were into this.” I remember a movie once about parents that just left their teens in their rooms night and day and didn’t even know when they were home! Sounds crazy. However, including teens in the family and insisting they come with the other siblings and mom/dad for dinners and events, and show up at the table, helps us keep a relationship going that we can recognize when something goes awry.
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I suppose some of us have hard and fast rules, and our kids might feel exasperated and perceive that we’re too hard on them. This happens. And it’s hard to know, as parents, how many rules to make and what the consequences are if they’re broken. So our kids start to be fearful of us, and that fear drives them to sneak around. Or maybe they’re embarrassed in front of their friends that have no rules at all. This is where relationship and trust must be present. Loving our kids, communicating with them, and praying WITH them, helps ensure a parent/child relationship that holds when the other kids start to pull our kids loose.
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Sometimes, nothing works. And our kids stray and test the waters. Heck, I bet we all did the same thing. But God cares, and we can come to him and ask him for wisdom. We can pray over our kids, and open our eyes and ask God to provide guidance. And He will…for them…and for us. And set us all back on track when or if we start to veer off and crash… That’s the treat part of being a parent with our Father nearby…