FRESH THYME
I recently shared with friends and maybe here in the magazine about how I realized I was carrying a heavy backpack full of stones I’d gathered during the day. And even though at night I thought I laid down that heaviness and gave it to Him, I didn’t feel rest…at all.
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Then I shared how I saw myself laying back against Him and I could see that I had just turned my backpack around and laid it on my chest. I was indeed lying in His arms, but the heaviness was on top of me…still. The backpack was packed full of these stones of worry, disappointment, fear and anger, and all sorts of things. Stones too heavy and too weighty; and I hadn’t let them go.
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It was a real breakthrough for me when I finally imagined myself removing those stones, one by one, and placing them in His hands. It felt good to let go and let Him carry my load. And even better than that, I saw a picture of Him rolling those stones in His hands, polishing them, taking care of every single heavy load I’d been carrying. I could rest!
Now it is a month or so later, and I was praying last night…again heavy for my family who was suffering in grief…and heavy with the weight of each day. I practiced this mental exercise once again of unpacking the pack, handing Him the stones, lying back in rest…but then I saw something in my mind’s eye!
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There was sediment in the bottom of my proverbial backpack! Sediment is matter that settles to the bottom. It’s something that moves from one place to another by the process of erosion. And there was a little pile of it that I hadn’t seen or removed, because it would require an upside down shaking of that pack and a good cleanout!
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It was stuff like leftover particles from little parts of unforgiveness, or other reservations about really trusting God, or even little particles of doubt about his goodness. No, these weren’t heavy because they’d “mostly” been dealt with, but the pile of sediment was unsightly, it sat there like a pile of dust, and I had missed it.
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Over the past few days, I’ve been thinking about that sediment. I’m not sure I can get it all out even if I shake really hard. But He can. I watched a dying man in our family offer forgiveness to someone in his last breaths, and that took my own breath away. Do I still have little particles of unforgiveness in my heart? In fact, I’m realizing how a lot of that sediment got there.
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And it’s from refusing to let it all go if I don’t understand. Maybe I prayed and God didn’t answer, so little pieces of rock fell to the bottom, wondering and demanding in my heart to understand. If God is so good, couldn’t he at least explain the why of things in this life that torments our minds?
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Just this morning I realized that as parents, we REQUIRE our kids to obey whether they understand or not. They have to hold our hands as we walk across a street when they’re young because they’re impulsive and they just run without thinking. But they don’t understand at all.
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And that’s just the beginning of my cleanout of the bottom, where the sediment lies…
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Empty your backpack, then look in the bottom. You might want to start the shaking, too. I’m pretty sure there’s more to this story to come…
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