I DON'T DO TEENAGERS â—½ HOME
We seem to hug little kids a lot because they ask for them, crawl up in our laps and long for them, and the kiddos are little and easy to hold! But what about the teens in our families and circles of friends? The older kids may not ask for hugs, or even bristle up when we offer them, but teens need to be embraced.
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We have a teen in our family now, and he plays football and other sports. This past season wasn’t a winning one for him at all. And while coaches and parents encouraged these boys game after game with affirming words and high-fives, they were still disappointed in all the losses. Especially when the score was so close…or so awful…and it was a shut out!
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We all have teens in our circles:
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If we’re an aunt or an uncle, we can show up at birthday parties and offer a hug to this kid that’s trying to act grownup, and we can offering a sweet praise in their ears when we hug like, “I’m so proud of you.”
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If we’re a parent, we can pause and grab our son or daughter by the arm and hold them close, whether they want to be held or not. Holding our teens and hugging them heals them…releases stress…and lets them know they’re valued and loved just for being who they are.
My husband is the grandparent to our teen in the family, and I watched after a particularly hard loss recently, as Mister grabbed Gideon and hugged him. I have no idea what was said, but Gideon leaned his head into Mister’s chest and they lingered. Lingering hugs are the best. It gives time for connection, for words or no words, and it allows vulnerability and safety.
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So, if we’re a grandparent, we can save those words of criticism or disappointment for our plants…not people. And we can grab those teens, whether they’re 13 or 15 or almost 20, and hold them tight.
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They might need a hug when they didn’t make the team.
They might need a hug when their best friend lied behind their back.
They might need a hug when they made a huge mistake.
They might need a hug for no reason at all, except because…
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I recently read about all the benefits of hugs. We all need them. And while we might be tempted to withhold them for various reasons, let’s don’t. Our teens do need the hugs, but we need them just as much. Oftentimes, we want to correct or instruct, but there are times when hugs are high on the list of actions towards our kids that are trying to grow up and encounter this harsh world.
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So offer some hugs all around this Christmas, as the teens in your crowd show up for dinner, as they open their gifts, or as they pass by your way. Hug them tight and tell them they are loved, always. And that you’re praying for them, always. And you’re their champion, always.