INNER STRENGTH â—½ YOU
Do you ever wonder - when you’re talking to your kids - if you’re saying the right thing?
​
Recently, my son Brendan, who has autism, asked me a question that I was not prepared to answer. He asked, “Why do I have a brother that’s so different than me?” I believe the Holy Spirit helped me answer that question.
​
I told him that differences are an opportunity to grow, to experience life in ways you wouldn’t otherwise. I reminded him that part of having autism is having difficulty coping with differences. Very quietly, I saw the serious pondering look. I know he’s always thinking. I can only hope that he quieted his mind long enough to hear my answer to his question.
​
I’ve learned over the years that if I say too much, I lose him. So I will ask him, “What did you hear me say?” It’s a great question to ask any child. It especially tells me whether I said too much. Brendan is a thinker and looks for things to make sense, so it’s easy for me to think he needs me to explain. I am still trying to figure out that dance, so to speak. Brendan is super intelligent and analytical. I can be analytical too, but nowhere close to how he thinks.
​
​His younger brother Matthew has a hard time sitting still and listening for very long, so I know for him I need to keep things short and sweet. He makes sense of the world by
observing. Because he has ADHD-like tendencies, I know that he gets frustrated if he has to stop doing what he’s doing to listen to me for very long. Does this sound familiar?
​
I’ve learned with Matthew that when he gets defensive and interrupts me when I’m talking to him, sometimes it’s because I’ve hit a nerve and he’s uncomfortable with the topic. I will explain more in my next article exactly what I’m talking about; but for example; if it has to do with family dynamics and communicating feelings Matthew always wants to protect himself from the sad feelings and goes towards anger more quickly.
​
So in regards to whether or not I’m saying the right thing, it is definitely a dance, as I mentioned above.
​
It takes a lot of strength to be patient with oneself, especially as a parent who wants to do right by his or her kids. It is important to remember that reactions we get from our kids aren’t usually about us, but more about what they are going through.
​
So, if I can do it, so can you!