actually typed out the words (although sometimes I even do that but that dang send button gets me every time!).  My text messages are also likely novel length for no good reason because I’m incapable of using less words for something that requires like a six word sentence.  Let’s see, maybe a list of my not-so-perfect friend traits would be easier:

 

-If you get mad and yell at me, I’m 100% going to cry and think about it for the rest of my life. But if you need to, I’ll take it, and try to be better.

-I am an over-sharer – if you don’t want an exhausting albeit entertaining backstory, you better tell me before I start.

-If you have a problem, I will do my best not to immediately try to fix it, but I fail at that a LOT, so you’ll probably have to tell me to put my hand over my mouth to make it stop.

-I’ll likely be the person to laugh at completely inappropriate times and probably in inappropriate locations.

-Also, if we are in public, just prepare yourself, because I have a history of tripping over my own feet, getting caught on door knobs, and will, without a doubt, spill something on myself within the first three minutes of any drink or food being in reaching distance.

 

However, while I am not what any of my friends would describe as perfect, or even someone who appears to have her life together (and they are not wrong), I am one who will always show up.  You can verbally vomit all your stress and rage on me and I won’t bat an eye, but I will still come prepared with a shovel, tarp, and airtight alibi…just in case.  You can cry, process all of the mess going on in your head, and I’ll cry with you, asking if you want advice or just someone to sit in the dark with you…to see you.  You can say things that you would never ever say out loud and I’ll be your judgment-free sounding board for all of it.  My couch is always open, you can show up without any warning and I’ll have tea, coffee, wine or something stronger, depending on what the situation calls for.  I’m prepared for it all. 

 

Because friendship isn’t always pretty.  Mostly because this life isn’t either.  This life is HARD, and no matter how much you do right, stuff will still go completely wrong sometimes and leave you buried underground with no map on how to navigate your way out.  And as women, we tend to be the glue for the people around us.  We hold it all together even when we are completely shattered inside so that we can be strong for our partners or kids or family, whether blood or chosen. And. It. Is. Exhausting.  While we’re on the subject, if you come at me with the “put your oxygen mask on first” crap, I’ll probably throw something at you, regardless of the truth of the sentiment. But, I digress.  We can’t carry this weight alone.  We weren’t meant to.  That’s why I’ve always believed with every fiber of my being, that friendships are just as important as your marriage (sure, now that I’m not supposed to be writing about marriage, I can finally find a way to do it-ugh).  Now don’t get your panties in a bunch, because I’m not saying that your partner in life isn’t your best friend or shouldn’t be or whatever other arguments are flying through your brain right now.  I AM saying that friendships, the real ones who’ve seen you ugly cry, and raid your pantry for the good snacks they know you have hidden from your husband (sorry babe), who’ve seen you both on mountain tops and in the deepest of trenches…those are the ones who help make you a better you.  My little village of friends are the reason I can be a better wife, mom, friend, human, or at least try to be.  They’ve held my hair back while I’ve been sick with grief, checked on me even when I haven’t responded to their normal check-ins, and don’t let me get away with hiding or pretending everything is ok for too long.  They have seen my sink full of dishes, trash cans overflowing, laundry (dear Lord the laundry) that has obviously been procreating because there aren’t THAT many people who live here.  They’ve shown up in hospital rooms and held me to give me the strength I needed to hold on tighter to someone else I love.  They’ve shared their pain, their humiliating stories, their families and their hearts.  They send distracting memes and TikToks so I could remember what it felt like to laugh, have even driven from out of state to kidnap me and drag me out to a show by our favorite TikTok people on tour to give me three glorious hours of not having to think about anything but happiness.  They’ve picked up my kids, sent dinners and have prayed prayers that while I never heard, I know without a shadow of a doubt, have saved my life and the lives of my family. 

 

So just know, that soul-mates don’t have to be romantic.  They can be both.  And know I am the friend you can be a mess around.  I’ll be a mess with you.  I’ll show up and fold your laundry and watch your kids so you can take a shower and nap and you don’t have to entertain me…you don’t even have to talk to me.  I’ll drop off a meal, do your dishes, uber eats wine to your house.  I will sit with you in the dark, shine a light so you can find your way hone to yourself.  You can fall apart with me and know that I’ll never see anything but the amazing, beautiful person you are. So consider this your official invitation to be your confused, tired, broken, chaotic real self.  When the world is trying to crush and you need to fall apart, when you need to break and figure out how you want to build yourself back together, I’m all in.  Always.

 

“We are all a little broken…that’s how the light gets in.” 

Earnest Hemmingway