COUSIN MOMS â—½ TIPS
Oh, my, goodness. If there ever was a stress-filled world and culture, it’s now and with us, and it’s probably not going anywhere. We decided to ask our two moms of six littles how they deal with all the emails, the volunteering requests, the housework, the church stuff, spouse time, and ALL THE THINGS. Their answers are great!
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Kamrin
Is stress a word? Just kidding!
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The older I’ve gotten, I have realized that a good majority of stress we feel is: 1 – our decision and 2 – not taking care of ourselves. This is my own personal journey and I’ve been working on it for a couple of years. I’m trying to walk daily without stress. I think it’s often a mental and physical state of being on any given day. Even if our plates are full!
When I was younger, I thought I had to do it all and be all for everyone. Serving at all functions, volunteering and saying yes, yes, yes. Even others joked that “just ask Kamrin…she’ll say yes.” But I’ve been learning it’s okay to have boundaries. I know it’s important to serve others, but I don’t believe we are to do it all. That’s why we have the body – some are the hands, the feet, the arms – a full body. I don’t need to do all parts and pieces all the time. However, I did live that way for a long time.
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While some of what we did as young parents we felt called to, I began to feel the stress of trying to keep up appearances, but the stress began to cause physical pain. I dealt with ear and jaw pain, only to be told by my dentist I was clinching my jaw due to stress. Others thought I was managing “it all,” but the truth is that I was not sleeping well, my body was in pain, I was on edge…and I’d learned to suppress it. That was not healthy.
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I hit a wall a few years ago and realized that I made those decisions. I do not have to serve in everything at church or school, or even serve at all if the season calls for that. I want to be a mom first and foremost. It’s easy to get caught up in being at everything and “succeed” in every aspect of life. But I’ve learned that “No” is a full sentence.
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I have served at church and at school, but at this moment I’m serving my three kids – raising them to know the Lord. If I have so many things on my plate that I can’t serve my family, and I’m stressed out to the “yes” then I’m not being a good steward of my kids. I need my home to be in order. We are busy with the kids with sports and youth group and activities and school, and I want to be present in every way. Saying yes to everyone else, I would be miserable.
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So for me, the way I manage stress is learning how to say no, and being confident in that. Then I give it to Him. Stresses don’t have to be overwhelming or painful when we can learn to say no, in those situations. I’m still learning! But I’ve seen a decrease in my physical pain, and my kids have noticed that I’m “different” in a good way! My house is in better order, and dinner is now on the table and we’ve eaten together more. I know that I’m at peace because I’ve said no outside my wall, my three kids are being invested in the way I’m called to do at this time.
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For a takeaway, maybe write down all your to-do’s, then pray about all the stressors and ask God to help you prioritize. Maybe categorize your non-negotiables. Mine were dinner at the table, reading the word daily, being present with my kids, and a few more. Talk to your family. This all helps to see what you’re doing and what you don’t have to do. Lastly, self-care is important because you cannot pour from an empty cup. For me, it’s skincare and worship time unplugged! And being my kids’ events energizes and blesses me!
Charissa
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Yes, stress is a normal thing that happens daily. Raising three young kids and owning a business, being involved in church and community, it seems like things start to pile up with the busyness of life! And all of this can raise my stress bar! I do definitely have ways to help manage this, but there are also times when I’ve just cried!
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Some of the more healthy ways I use to manage stress are:
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Being in the Word of God. If I stray away from this time with him daily and I start to go days without it, I feel my stress building up. I try to take time to be with Him. When I get stressed, I ask myself if I’ve spent this time alone in his Word and in prayer.
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Scheduling “me” time. I do love to serve and I say yes to things, and I love to be there for others. However, I have learned that it is healthy to schedule me time, even if it’s not an all-day thing. Even scheduling a manicure, pedicure, going to the gym, taking a hot shower or watching a show by myself – all of these help.
Taking a break from all the things. When I do this and just cuddle and play with my kids and be with my husband, all of this helps me. Just talking with the girls or watching a show with my husband relieves stress. I put laundry and house things on the back burner, while I fill up my bucket with love and touch.'
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Having a plan in place. I’ve really worked on this as I’ve gotten older, but having a plan for things seems to make life go a little more smoothly. Of course, stress can still come, but it can be minimized with a bit of planning!