HEALTHY HABITSâ—½ YOU
What does how we speak have to do with health? It totally affects the health of others, what we say and how we say it. And words spoken to us can take us from a high to a low in a matter of seconds. They say “words will never harm me” in the saying about sticks and stones, but words do harm, they do hurt, and they do wound. I have hurt others with my own words and I have been hurt by the words of others.
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We were talking with friends recently about this very subject, and so I thought I’d share some of the healthy habits we at least can create for ourselves, when we speak to others:
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Leave weight off the table. I cannot even tell you how much weight comments affect people. Even if we say, “You look so good. Have you lost weight?” This indicates we’ve been noticing they were heavy.
One time after I’d had my last child, a “friend” told me I looked like I’d gained weight. That comment sent me into a tailspin. So, instead, if we’re noticing weight loss or gain, let’s keep the conversation about something else.
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Criticizing and pointing the finger is not healthy. Maybe this seems like a no-brainer. However, we can send criticism with our eyes and expressions, without ever speaking a word. And blaming someone, especially behind their back, makes the worst of wounds…because they just might hear what we thought they did not.
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Sex and gender comments, nope. Maybe you’re in the mix of those that make gay jokes or totally think evil of those of other genders, and you make off-the-cuff remarks when with others of like minds. It’s hurtful. You never know who’s in your company, with ears to hear, and children struggling. Gender remarks of any kind should be zipped up. Pray for others you don’t understand, and check your own heart. If people knew your struggles…what would they say?
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Generalizations about color or race are never healthy. Maybe your parents spoke of Mexicans or Asians in a derogatory manner, or you even heard jokes about those of color. Change the narrative. Don’t copy what they said because they didn’t know better, because it was “acceptable” talk. It’s never good to generalize anyway, so let’s change and teach our kids to do the same.
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Ageism, it’s a thing. Granny panties, grandpa sweaters, little comments here and there about age and its woes and shortcomings hurt those that are aging. Assuming elderly people have lost their smarts and dignity and therefore, they’re fair game for jokes, is mean. Talk to those who are older the same way you’d talk to your peers. You might realize the older generation is interesting and not old, at all!
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I only mention five here, because these are heavy and weighty and so hurtful, when we participate in judgment with our words. We might mean well, but it helps to think before we speak, especially because speaking isn’t usually necessary to get across our judgment on a particular group of people. What comes out of mouths is what’s in our hearts. So if we think of a comment on someone’s weight, actions, gender preference, age, or race…it’s best to check it at the door. The door of our hearts.
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God doesn’t need our verbal assessments to make the world go round and to change hearts. What he does need is for our tongues, those things that we just cannot tame, to be subject to just offering prayers and praise to the One who loves us all, and transforms minds and hearts to worship him.
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I’m working on this every day. And it starts at home, where we let hurtful words fly to those we love the most. It starts with one silent tongue that only whispers prayers instead of shooting darts.