I DON'T DO TEENAGERS â—½ HOME
This photo.
This expression.
Well, it’s everything.
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And no, she’s not a teen in that photo, but this story is about raising teens, and it was inspired by that photo of my niece when she was baptized by her dad…whom we lost this year. Everything about that photo speaks to me, and I hope it speaks to you, too…to keep on keeping on as parents.
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There are rituals we tap into when our kids are little like baptisms, dedications, reading stories at night to the littles, affirmation ceremonies, birthday parties, and more that often fade away as these same babies and toddlers and kiddos become teenagers and are not around as much anymore. And when they get their licenses and freedom, and start becoming little adults, a lot of those things we did with them are just memories.
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But here’s the thing. Those are lasting. And I’ll tell you why.
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If you baptized your child as a kid, you can continually pray over them for faith to be part of their fabric of life no matter what you see at the present moment. You can stand on the faith you deposited in them, and see it grow…one day.
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If you dedicated your children to God and promised to teach them his ways, even if you’ve failed miserably, it’s never too late to make amends, simply ask forgiveness from them and from Him, and lead the way again by turning toward Him yourself. Kids don’t need to see perfect parents. They need to see parents that turn to God in their imperfection.
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If you read stories and books to your kids, they will remember those times and cherish them, and they’ll one day read to their kids. So keep those books and give them to your teens’ kids when they get married. Save some to read to your own grandchildren one day. And slip into your teen’s room sometimes at night and offer to read with him or to him…surprise him/her with this!
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If you were so good at affirming your tiny kiddos with a pat on the back, a hug, or a “way to go” but now you can hardly get them to look your way, then leave notes on their mirrors, treats under their pillows, any way to continue to affirm who they are – even if who they are makes you sad or hurts your heart. They belong to Him and they are beautiful in his sight, and they need to be told this, often, by their parents.
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If you recall those elaborate birthday parties where you invited every kid in the room from elementary school, or you made it the event of the month with balloons and amusement park rides, etc. but now your teens just want cash and to be left alone, you can still give. And give without expecting anything back, as if you’re sowing seed into hard ground that you can trust that He will water. Pray about what to give them, bless them with a card with a handwritten message, continue to celebrate their day…and they will never forget…even if they turn their heads and walk away.
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Teens are a puzzle, aren’t they? One day they want their stuffed animal and blanket, and the next day they’re independently fierce in word and deed. They’re trying their wings and we’re watching in terror as we’re sure they’re going to crash to the ground.
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This photo of my niece and her dad shows immense emotion as the dad is praying and the little girl is realizing that this is an important thing. Giving one’s heart to Christ is eternal. And trusting Christ with our lives is paramount. And leaving our kids in His hands is vital, if we’re going to survive the teen years and beyond.
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Be encouraged yourself as you continue to give and train, when the training gets tough. He’s well able to keep all of those things we commit to him, especially the most important things – our kids.