I DON'T DO TEENAGERS â—½ HOME
I remember telling my kids that they needed to be a thermostat, not a thermometer. And then we talked about what that looks like. A thermostat sets the temperature for the home – so we showed them how you set the number and the AC or heat comes on, setting the perfect atmosphere for the house. However, a thermometer just reads the temperature. We reminded them how when they’re sick and you take their temperature, it reads the number but it doesn’t set the number.
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It’s not a bad thing to remind your teens of this often with the illustration over and over again, until they leave the house, and that visual will stick with them forever. This is so helpful when your teens (and pre-teens) are dealing with peer pressure:
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Foul Language – It’s tempting to join in with the cursing and the rude comments and the dirty words, especially in a locker room setting or when with a group of others that let the words and the attitudes fly. And it’s hard, but our kids can walk away if that’s the atmosphere in the room, they can talk nicely and change the atmosphere – which is even better. That’s being a thermostat. Encourage them to rise above the filthy talk and speak kindly and nicely with words that are good and helpful and kind and considerate.
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Vandalism – Kids are kids and might just decide on a whim to scratch on a wall or in a bathroom, or paint or destroy someone else’s property. It happens even at school, when teachers aren’t looking. It occurs if our kids are with another group at another place, and adults aren’t near. We can talk to our teens about property and doing unto others as we’d like others to do to us.
Even discuss how they would feel if their sibling scribbled all over their room with a marker. Vandalism is stealing someone else’s beauty. But being a thermostat means setting the tone for honoring the space of others. Always.
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Gossip – She said this, and he did this, and they must have meant this, and they are just awful, you know the rest. Kids hear a rumor or spread a rumor or believe a rumor. Friendships are utterly ruined and when the rumor gets back to the person rumored about…well your teen might just be implicated if they joined in. Have a conversation about gossip and how to stop it from the beginning. Why is it enticing to listen to others say something bad about someone? And even if it is true, it’s not to be shared if it’s degrading to that person. Again, have a conversation about how your teen would feel if it got around the school that they said or did something that was completely private or embarrassing. Not good. They can be the thermostat and be the kids that rejoice in the good of others and affirm and give a high five when others succeed, and pray alone when that friend fails and others talk…
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Must-Have – She’s got new sneakers, your daughter has to wear her old ones because money is tight. His friend got that new bat, or tickets to a game, but your family just can’t splurge right now. There are always going to be things our teens see that they “must have” because everyone else has it. Even we adults deal with this pressure. And marketing doesn’t help the matter. Practice the art with your family of giving thanks for all the blessings you have, and see if the must-have mentality doesn’t wane just a bit. And then if there’s something they really want, talk about it, save and pray together…and wait. Be the thermostat by exhibiting patience while waiting.
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Those are just four common areas of peer pressure, but what about when our teens give in and cave and join in the riot to destroy others, themselves and their own self-esteem? They may feel awful and ashamed, or not care and like being part of “the crowd.”
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Home needs to be a safe place always, where our kids can run in from school and cry if they need to, confess if they know they failed, or rejoice if they actually remained cool among the pressure. And if their “temperature” is rising and causing pain to them and others, we can still hold them, pray with them, and encourage them as they rest and recover from the heat.